


A Million and One Reasons

by taegiradar



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is Whipped, Bang Chan-centric, Canon Compliant, Chan Loves Felix, Feelings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, chanlix soulmates, i cant believe chanlix dynamic is canon wth, im crying after watching the reason vid, they are so gay help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26410498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegiradar/pseuds/taegiradar
Summary: “What is Felix to me?”Well, where does he even start?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 16
Kudos: 219





	A Million and One Reasons

“Suddenly?”

Chan thinks he heard the question wrong. He must have. He asks them to repeat it, just in case.

“What is Felix to you?”

The question rings in Chan’s head, loud like a school bell echoing through the hallway. It’s not like it’s a new question. He’s been asked about what he thinks about Felix countless of times. He has talked about the younger, unprompted, more times than he can physically count. Talking about Felix is not something new to him.

But somehow…

“What is Felix to me?” He repeats the question out loud, like it’d help him process it. What does Felix mean to him?

A million and one memories flash through Chan’s mind. The mornings where he would wake up from barely any sleep, groggy and unsure how he was going to make it through the day. But then seeing Felix, hearing his soft ‘good morning’ accompanied by a small smile, and instantly feeling all the exhaustion within him slip away like sand. The nights where he doesn’t notice it’s far too late for anyone to be rightfully awake, until Felix walks into his studio, cup of milk in hand and cuddles ready to be (lovingly) forced onto Chan until he falls asleep, heart no longer restless.

The summers where they would bask in the sun and Felix’s freckles would bloom more than ever before, painting his face like a constellation. The warm nights where they would lay together despite the heat, and Chan would silently count the universe on Felix’s face as they talked about how the Australian sun has always been far worse.

The winters where everyone else would go back to their families during the break, but Chan and Felix would find home within each other.

How can he possibly express what Felix means to him, when he means everything and then some more? When Felix gave Chan everything he never knew he needed? Chan has never really been one to fully express his feelings. He tends to keep things to himself, and at times he gets so good at it that he can fool himself that he’s doing fine too. But when Felix came into his life, Chan had never felt so raw. Whenever they’re together, it feels like Chan’s heart is out there in the open, exposed and available for Felix to look into and scrutinise.

He doesn’t need to say all this, though. He doesn’t. Because this is just a video for their comeback, and he can simply just make a joke about being the Aussie duo and move on.

But somehow, saying that feels like a crime within itself. Felix doesn’t deserve half hearted answers and script-like expressions. He deserves the entire truth, and nothing less than that.

“I’ve become a more honest person because of Felix.” Chan takes a deep breath. “I’ve learnt a lot from him.” His head is still whirling with thoughts, all chanting _Felix Felix Felix_. It’s a bit overwhelming, but he always feels like this when it comes to the younger. His heart always speeds up, his palms get sweaty and his ears turn a light shade of red.

“He takes care of me a lot. I think I would have struggled mentally if I didn’t have him.” Chan picks at his fingers, small bites of anxiety filling him up. He hates thinking about ‘what ifs’ - it scares him to no end. He doesn’t want to imagine life without Felix. It makes his stomach flip, thinking about the countless other timelines where he doesn’t meet Felix. Where he doesn’t get to see the brightest smile and hear the sweetest laugh everyday. Timelines and universes where he never meets his soulmate.

“When I’m having a hard time-” He stops abruptly when he feels his words get stuck in his throat. Chan suddenly feels like he’s being submerged underwater, drowning in memories. Is he seriously about to cry? He lets out a small chuckle, because it must seem kind of ridiculous to everyone. Chan, crying just because he’s talking about Felix? Well - it completely makes sense to him, because Felix makes him feel every emotion at once - but it might be too much for others to fully understand.

He bites back the tears, and continues on. Chan rambles on and on, unable to stop himself. He curses himself for being so unprofessional, because most of this footage will probably be unusable anyway. He knows people appreciate the rawness, but there’s only so much he can say before he says too much.

Chan calls Felix his home, a confession he only recently had enough guts to admit. Calling someone your home is something Chan never really understood at first - but like most things, he discovers just what it means because of Felix.

He knows he’s in love. There’s not a single shred of doubt in his mind about that. He loves Felix with his entire being and soul, and he would absolutely do anything in his power to give Felix what he wants. Nobody has ever meant this much to Chan and it frankly terrified him at first, but as he grows along with Felix, it all makes perfect sense. Because _of course_ Felix means the world to Chan. Felix is Felix and Chan is Chan. It’s just how the universe was made to work - like how the sun always falls to make way for the moon.

When he returns back home that day, back to Felix’s arms, he holds him tight and whispers soft confessions of _‘I love you’_ under his breath. It doesn’t need to mean anything more than that. It doesn’t need to lead to anything, because all Chan is doing is showing himself to Felix. Opening his heart, giving the key to Felix and telling him to keep it.

“Hyung?” Felix’s voice is low, soft and feels like a blanket of warmth to Chan.

He looks up to Felix, and finds himself instantly smiling. Every time he looks at him, it feels like Chan is seeing colours for the first time again. The brightest shade of yellow. Pure happiness.

“I love you too.” Felix takes Chan’s hand in his, and squeezes it. Chan has never felt more at home at that exact moment, 8324 kilometres away from Australia.

Their confessions didn’t need to lead to anything, but nothing between them ever felt like it _needed_ to happen. It just - did.

So when their lips finally meet, it feels like it has always meant to happen. This is where the universe has always been taking them - right in each other’s arms and heart.

Two souls who have already found each other, but with the seal of a kiss - they grow.

**Author's Note:**

> whipped this up in like just over an hour after watching the intro: reason video... chan got so emotional just Talking about felix it actually makes me so emotional. im so glad they found each other, despite it all.
> 
> (pls ignore mistakes n weird wording im srsly posting this on a whim)
> 
> cry with me on twitter pls i beg - @eternitytrack


End file.
